The Problem With Being “Nice”

Most of us are probably told to be nice when we are growing up, however being nice usually results in not being true to ourselves, not standing up for our needs and our interests. This behavioural pattern is often rooted deep in our childhood and formative years, such as growing up in a challenging home environment, perhaps with an unstable parent and feeling that you had to be the diplomat and peacekeeper in the household as was the case with me, and this pattern can carry on well into adolescent and adult life without one even realising it till much later when it manifests itself problematically.

It can feel a bit like treading on eggshells, being nice is about pleasing others and saying the right thing so as not to offend anyone, being an asshole may can seem like the better alternative after-all many assholes tend to get what they want out of life, however thats a common trap nice people may fall into when they try to adjust their behaviour.

Because of this, nice people tend to have a difficult time asking for what they want in life thus they rarely get the fulfilment they need, this can eventually lead to disappointment regret and resentments later in life, it also means that those around you don’t really know the real you since you have been serving up a curated version of yourself instead of being authentic, this leads to inauthentic friendships and can even lead to fewer or no friends at all due to the disconnect between who people think you are vs who you really are.

The best move is to practice being kind instead, with kindness you maintain virtuous behaviours while still prioritising your needs, you are not concerned if your actions offend some and are willing to say no when it suits you, but you can also practice altruistic acts of kindness at the same time, in this sense kind people are more authentic to themselves thus increasing the chances of meeting the right people for them while losing the wrong people.